Post by MIRIAM JACOB on Nov 16, 2006 13:34:31 GMT -5
Loving Those Who Hurt You
By Martha Matthews
Everyone, at some time in their life, has been hurt by another person. Sometimes we are able to work through things, forgive and move on. At other times, try as we might, we are unable to resolve our differences. Situations like this can be a continuous source of friction if it is with a spouse, family member or co-worker. When there seems to be no possibility of reconciliation we wonder why God has allowed us to be in this situation. Could it be that God is trying to teaching us what it means love others unconditionally?
Without Love
1 Corinthians 13:1-7
Jesus was a man whose unconditional love changed lives. You could see it in everything he did. From the way he healed the sick and disabled to the way he continued to believe in Peter even though Peter denied him. It's no wonder that people crowded around him wherever he went.
Without love we have no hope of seeing change in our relationships. Without love we gain nothing. When a relationship is difficult we want to protect ourselves from being hurt emotionally. We fight back or avoid the person. We don't want to love unconditionally. Yet, the very thing we don't want to do is exactly what will have the most impact on our situation. Relationships don't get better because people fight to protect themselves or distance themselves. They get better because one person makes a decision to love the other unconditionally.
A friend of mine (I'll call her Katie) loves to recount the story of how God changed her marriage through teaching her to have unconditional love for her husband Harold.
Their marriage was a turbulent one, to put it mildly. Fits of rage were the norm. Katie didn't want a divorce, but she didn't know how to change things. In desperation Katie turned to the Jesus and became a Christian. As she humbled herself before the Lord and asked for His help, her heart toward Harold began to change.
Katie began to put 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 into practice. At first her husband thought she was up to something. "She was being too nice," he thought. "She must have an ulterior motive." Day after day he would try to provoke a fight with her. The more he hurt her feelings the more she was kind to him. It frustrated him that she wouldn't retaliate when he antagonized her. At every turn she met his anger with unconditional love. A year later he became a Christian, and a few years after that he became a minister.
A Little or a Lot?
Luke 7:47
Do you love much or love little? Jesus said that if we have been forgiven little we will love little. Often, it is our pride that stops us from loving others unconditionally. We want to focus on their sin rather than take a good look at our own heart. We compare ourselves to the other person thinking, "He really needs to repent of this sin." When we do this we are like the self-righteous Phariseeswe don't see who we really are before God. We have lost touch with how much Jesus has forgiven us. How much you love others is in direct proportion to how much you understand all that Jesus has done for you. We are all equal at the foot of the Cross.
A Humble Heart
Philippians 2:3-4
Unconditionally loving someone who has hurt us is difficult. How can we change the way we feel? It begins with changing the way we view ourselves. In the passage above, the word humility, as written in the original Greek language, is characterized as: 1) having a humble opinion of one's self and 2) a deep sense of one's (moral) littleness [1]. A humble-hearted person sees their short comings and extends the hand of grace to others. They realize that they are no better than anyone else.
Training Your Heart
Romans 12:12
You may think to yourself, "Loving others unconditionally is so hard to do!" Yes, it is foreign to us mortals. But God has shown us that this is what he wants to cultivate in our hearts (Mark 12:30-31). We need His help to make the change.
Unconditional love starts as a tiny seed in our heart as we become aware that this is God's desire for us. God plants the seed and then he expects us to do our part by watering it with joy, patience and faith. You see, your attitude about having a change of heart is very important. Are you joyful in hope because you know that God is in control? Are you patient in affliction because you believe that God will take care of the situation in His purpose and timing? Are you faithful in praying to react to others as the Lord wants you to react?
Don't expect this training to change your heart overnight. This change of heart will take continual effort on your part to seek God's will in this area of your life. That is why we are instructed to be "joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." It's a life-long pursuit. The passage about Euodia and Syntyche's disagreement is great example of how it takes time for change to happen in one's heart. In Philippians 4:2-3 Paul urged the brothers to help these women work out their disagreement. It appears that they had been working at it for awhile.
Measuring
Luke 6:37-38
God promises that in the same way we treat other people we will be treated. This is not a condition for salvation but rather a principle set forth by God. The way we treat people will be how we are treated in return. These are conditional blessings. "with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." I don't know about you but I need as much grace as I can get! When we begin to realize how much we "blow it" on a regular basis we see how much we need to extend the hand of grace to others. How much grace are you measuring out to others? Are you treating others as you would want to be treated?
How much compassion are you measuring out to others? Step back from your situation for a moment and take a closer look at the person who hurt you. Do you know what is going on in their life? What life events have shaped their character? Most people hurt others because they are suffering inside. They may have had an abusive childhood, been mistreated by someone they trusted, hurt deeply by someone they loved or they could be under a tremendous amount of stress at work or home. Not that this is an excuse for their behavior, but it gives you some insight into what makes them the way that they are. Things are never what they appear to be on the surface. Jesus had compassion for the sufferings of others. How about you?
Let God Decide
1 Peter 2:23
Jesus didn't defend himself, make threats or retaliate. He trusted God to judge each situation justly. Entrusting yourself to God means much more than patiently waiting and hoping that God will do something on your behalf. Entrusting yourself to God means being at peace with God's decisions in your life no matter what the outcome. You no longer desire to attain retribution or vindication. Instead you desire for God's will to be done, whatever that might be because you know that God has your best interest in mind.
Making a Difference
Romans 12:21
Can loving someone unconditionally make a difference? You bet it can! When we're faced with a hostile situation, we have a choice to make: be overcome with evil or overcome evil with good. Remember my friend Katie? That is what she did. She didn't know what God would do about her husband. She did know that God was trying to help her learn to love unconditionally. Katie changed and so did her husband. Why not let God use you to overcome evil with good.
(1) The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon
More Scriptures for Meditation
Matthew 22:39
Luke 6:35-36
John 13:34-35
Romans 13:8
Romans 13:9
Romans 13:10
Ephesians 4:2
Ephesians 5:2
Ephesians 6:12
Galatians 5
Colossians 3
1 John 4:8
1 John 4:10
1 John 4:20
About the author
Martha Matthews is the Executive Director of Christian-Homemaking.com. She helps Christian homemakers organize and manage their home. She also has a popular free monthly newsletter. To subscribe visit www.christian-homemaking.com
© 2002 Christian-Homemaking.com
All rights reserved.
By Martha Matthews
Everyone, at some time in their life, has been hurt by another person. Sometimes we are able to work through things, forgive and move on. At other times, try as we might, we are unable to resolve our differences. Situations like this can be a continuous source of friction if it is with a spouse, family member or co-worker. When there seems to be no possibility of reconciliation we wonder why God has allowed us to be in this situation. Could it be that God is trying to teaching us what it means love others unconditionally?
Without Love
1 Corinthians 13:1-7
Jesus was a man whose unconditional love changed lives. You could see it in everything he did. From the way he healed the sick and disabled to the way he continued to believe in Peter even though Peter denied him. It's no wonder that people crowded around him wherever he went.
Without love we have no hope of seeing change in our relationships. Without love we gain nothing. When a relationship is difficult we want to protect ourselves from being hurt emotionally. We fight back or avoid the person. We don't want to love unconditionally. Yet, the very thing we don't want to do is exactly what will have the most impact on our situation. Relationships don't get better because people fight to protect themselves or distance themselves. They get better because one person makes a decision to love the other unconditionally.
A friend of mine (I'll call her Katie) loves to recount the story of how God changed her marriage through teaching her to have unconditional love for her husband Harold.
Their marriage was a turbulent one, to put it mildly. Fits of rage were the norm. Katie didn't want a divorce, but she didn't know how to change things. In desperation Katie turned to the Jesus and became a Christian. As she humbled herself before the Lord and asked for His help, her heart toward Harold began to change.
Katie began to put 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 into practice. At first her husband thought she was up to something. "She was being too nice," he thought. "She must have an ulterior motive." Day after day he would try to provoke a fight with her. The more he hurt her feelings the more she was kind to him. It frustrated him that she wouldn't retaliate when he antagonized her. At every turn she met his anger with unconditional love. A year later he became a Christian, and a few years after that he became a minister.
A Little or a Lot?
Luke 7:47
Do you love much or love little? Jesus said that if we have been forgiven little we will love little. Often, it is our pride that stops us from loving others unconditionally. We want to focus on their sin rather than take a good look at our own heart. We compare ourselves to the other person thinking, "He really needs to repent of this sin." When we do this we are like the self-righteous Phariseeswe don't see who we really are before God. We have lost touch with how much Jesus has forgiven us. How much you love others is in direct proportion to how much you understand all that Jesus has done for you. We are all equal at the foot of the Cross.
A Humble Heart
Philippians 2:3-4
Unconditionally loving someone who has hurt us is difficult. How can we change the way we feel? It begins with changing the way we view ourselves. In the passage above, the word humility, as written in the original Greek language, is characterized as: 1) having a humble opinion of one's self and 2) a deep sense of one's (moral) littleness [1]. A humble-hearted person sees their short comings and extends the hand of grace to others. They realize that they are no better than anyone else.
Training Your Heart
Romans 12:12
You may think to yourself, "Loving others unconditionally is so hard to do!" Yes, it is foreign to us mortals. But God has shown us that this is what he wants to cultivate in our hearts (Mark 12:30-31). We need His help to make the change.
Unconditional love starts as a tiny seed in our heart as we become aware that this is God's desire for us. God plants the seed and then he expects us to do our part by watering it with joy, patience and faith. You see, your attitude about having a change of heart is very important. Are you joyful in hope because you know that God is in control? Are you patient in affliction because you believe that God will take care of the situation in His purpose and timing? Are you faithful in praying to react to others as the Lord wants you to react?
Don't expect this training to change your heart overnight. This change of heart will take continual effort on your part to seek God's will in this area of your life. That is why we are instructed to be "joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer." It's a life-long pursuit. The passage about Euodia and Syntyche's disagreement is great example of how it takes time for change to happen in one's heart. In Philippians 4:2-3 Paul urged the brothers to help these women work out their disagreement. It appears that they had been working at it for awhile.
Measuring
Luke 6:37-38
God promises that in the same way we treat other people we will be treated. This is not a condition for salvation but rather a principle set forth by God. The way we treat people will be how we are treated in return. These are conditional blessings. "with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." I don't know about you but I need as much grace as I can get! When we begin to realize how much we "blow it" on a regular basis we see how much we need to extend the hand of grace to others. How much grace are you measuring out to others? Are you treating others as you would want to be treated?
How much compassion are you measuring out to others? Step back from your situation for a moment and take a closer look at the person who hurt you. Do you know what is going on in their life? What life events have shaped their character? Most people hurt others because they are suffering inside. They may have had an abusive childhood, been mistreated by someone they trusted, hurt deeply by someone they loved or they could be under a tremendous amount of stress at work or home. Not that this is an excuse for their behavior, but it gives you some insight into what makes them the way that they are. Things are never what they appear to be on the surface. Jesus had compassion for the sufferings of others. How about you?
Let God Decide
1 Peter 2:23
Jesus didn't defend himself, make threats or retaliate. He trusted God to judge each situation justly. Entrusting yourself to God means much more than patiently waiting and hoping that God will do something on your behalf. Entrusting yourself to God means being at peace with God's decisions in your life no matter what the outcome. You no longer desire to attain retribution or vindication. Instead you desire for God's will to be done, whatever that might be because you know that God has your best interest in mind.
Making a Difference
Romans 12:21
Can loving someone unconditionally make a difference? You bet it can! When we're faced with a hostile situation, we have a choice to make: be overcome with evil or overcome evil with good. Remember my friend Katie? That is what she did. She didn't know what God would do about her husband. She did know that God was trying to help her learn to love unconditionally. Katie changed and so did her husband. Why not let God use you to overcome evil with good.
(1) The NAS New Testament Greek Lexicon
More Scriptures for Meditation
Matthew 22:39
Luke 6:35-36
John 13:34-35
Romans 13:8
Romans 13:9
Romans 13:10
Ephesians 4:2
Ephesians 5:2
Ephesians 6:12
Galatians 5
Colossians 3
1 John 4:8
1 John 4:10
1 John 4:20
About the author
Martha Matthews is the Executive Director of Christian-Homemaking.com. She helps Christian homemakers organize and manage their home. She also has a popular free monthly newsletter. To subscribe visit www.christian-homemaking.com
© 2002 Christian-Homemaking.com
All rights reserved.